J.D.'s Fifth Entry
Sunday night was the first night the judges saw J.D. having fun, one of the missing elements in my other dances – J.D. the fun dude. Although, at the same time, I was pretty terrified, with the pressure from the judges and from Australia, but I kept reminding myself that I deserved to be here, that the nation believes in me, and that I need to just let go. The thing that I kept telling myself is, it's not how you feel, it's what you do. At the end of the dance it was like a huge, huge release; a huge weight off my shoulders. It was great to get some positive feedback after the last few weeks. I really appreciate what our choreographer Adam Williams did - he really slapped me around and got J.D. out of his shell. He really pushed and stretched me beyond what I was currently doing in rehearsals.
Being in the bottom three wasn't really a surprise, mainly because last Sunday's performances were all amazing, everyone really stepped up their game. I had prepared a Dance For My Life piece, something special I choreographed and put together in Chicago, which expresses my love of music and how dance makes me feel. The biggest thing I learnt after what judges said was about the different levels of intensity between a live performance and television, which I'll take away and develop. Although I know it was Jason's opinion of how he perceived my choreography, I know inside it was a great performance and something that represents me.
It was sad to see Suri go, however I know he'll do great things for his community. He's already represented and inspired many Aboriginal people to follow their dreams and what he achieved was extraordinary.
For the first time, the group performance was something in my element and something that I really felt comfortable in. I had a lot of fun, especially when Graeme and Anthony threw me in the air and I nearly hit my head on the speakers! The only thing I remember is the audience piercing my ears and being so expressive in their enthusiasm, and screaming 'J.D., J.D., J.D., J.D.!' I was like,
'Ahhhhhhh!'. Hi-fives all round…
This week I definitely feel an increased sense of pressure and expectation, especially with the new challenges we've been given this week. Not only do we have a couple's routine, we have a new challenge, I have a new DFYL, plus the group opener – four routines, double what we've been doing the last few weeks. This is the new game, the game of new challenges.
This week especially I feel we really have to prove our worthiness of Top 10 as it represents halfway to winning and being Australia's favourite dancer. Despite all this, I'm constantly remembering to have fun, be true to myself and believe in myself. I've learnt it's not really about the competition, it's about what comes up for you in times of mental and physical pressure or stress – these are moments we are tested. I guess we can relate this to life in general. My main focus is not the outcome of the competition, and becoming the favourite dancer and the prizes, it's about the being and the doing. Being courageous, doing what is needed, doing the challenges, whatever they are.
Last Friday night was great – the dancers all went out together and let our hair out (even though I don't have any hair!). It was good to relax, chill out, listen to some music I wouldn't normally listen to. It was quite an experience – because there was the whole group of us, we got mauled everywhere we went. Everyone was so excited to see and meet us. I felt overwhelmed, and once again got present to how much people really appreciate the show.
I guess to finish off, the biggest thing about this week was going from a breakdown to a breakthrough. It supports the fact that whenever there's a breakdown, there's a breakthrough just around the corner, and something to be learnt. Breakdowns are all about growth, they're not end of the world. Plus what I will take with me is my biggest embarrassing moment to date in 2008, going blank in front of the nation… A good story to tell!
In high school I was: I hung out with the bad ass crew of De La Salle but was really an undercover geek.
J.D.'s Fourth Entry
I guess the most obvious thing is the breakdown on Sunday night, but if you wanna know more about that, you can check out the video blog…
This week I realised I've been too attached to the whole competition. Last Sunday night was a great night for me, cause I didn't watch the show, I went out with a really good friend instead. We went to Bondi and for the first time, I realised I was in Sydney, and really experienced it. We had an amazing meal at Bondi beach, watching the sun set, and then went to a bar for some quiet drinks. It was the first time I really got out of the bubble of SYTYCD and got present to the public's feedback about the show: how much they follow it, and how much they're inspired by it. It was weird when people would come up to me, knowing my name, and talk to me as though they've known me for years. I didn't realise how much people are following my story and would strike a conversations about my past, my growth and how they have been inspired. It's really nice to be acknowledged - it's something I struggle with, being acknowledged for what I do. I'm quick to shy down or water down SYTYCD, but it made me realise how amazing the experience is. To be a choreographer on the show and go out of my comfort zone, throw myself into styles I'd never dream of, and consequently grow as a person and as a dancer.
What I've also realized is I've been way too serious about everything, and not really truly enjoying SYTYCD and having fun. Now it's really about enjoying myself and letting go of the fear of looking bad in other styles. I've been really attached to the outcome of the competition and I'm letting go of the idea that if I don't go well it's the end of the world. I realised this is about really experiencing the journey and having fun with it.
Shout-outs again to everyone behind me and everyone who believes in me. Last Monday was a huge shock, and I know it was not about pity, it was about that people truly believe in me and want to see me grow. They haven't seen the true J.D. yet, so I feel so blessed being given another opportunity to do that and I'm letting go to being attached to being perfect.
What happened on Monday night was actually a similar situation to something that happened when I first started dancing. Similarly, I went blank and bolted offstage. From that day onwards, I thought, I'm never gonna do that style again, I'm never gonna put myself in a position where I could look bad.
Shout-outs to Melbourne Music Academy (HOLLA!!) - miss you guys and can't wait to teach again, and share what I've learnt and experienced when I come home.
Shout-outs to Dare2dream, an amazing clothing label that has empowering messages in the design. Not only do you feel empowered but you look fresh as well!
What-up to Kulture Break, be there soon peeps! Keep on dancing and being FRESH!
Shout-outs to my SELP community: Thank you for all your support, guidance and coaching, and reminding me of who I am as a possibility.
Shout-outs to Mumzie: Now I know where I get my attachment to being perfect! I remember when I used to give you my essays to proof, you would rip them apart and make me look like a prehistoric caveman trying to write an essay – haha! You're probably proofing this now and have already done so in my other blogs. You will now be known as the blog nazi – hahaha! This will probably change in the next few days…. I guess your birthday wish came true – I'm not coming home this week for your birthday. Best Mumzie ever.
To my little WOMBAT, BUNDI, SNIP and ASPE… love to you all.
You can always make me happy by: cooking me a big bowl of pasta!
J.D.'s Third Entry
This week I'm really under the pump as far as expectations and pressure goes to prove myself worthy of a place in SYTYCD. Losing Hilton was a big blow for the show, but also a huge blow for me. Out of all the boys, he's the one I really connected with. I'd vibe off him in rehearsals, we'd hang out, show each other our pieces, do chin-ups together. I was a bit of a mess when I was watching his tribute, but now I see it as a victory for him. He's got amazing opportunities for him with his crew and what he wants to do with his company.
Last Monday was a big shock, I didn't expect to be so close to leaving. This week is all about making sure that I nail the routine, do everything the choreographer wants of me, but also make sure that I have another dope Dance For My Life piece. My piece saved me last week, so I realize how important those pieces are.
This week, it's a challenging routine in the sense it focuses on partnership. We'll have to take off the jacket of being individual dancers, and become one dancer. It's been challenging. Not only are we worried about steps, but wanting to portray what the style is about and ensure that it's authentic to the judges and to the viewers. What's stressful is that we haven't finished it, we're only halfway through. We haven't done it to music yet, so Rhi and I are having some late nights and early mornings making sure it's down. "
Also challenging for me this week is a lot of family stuff has come up. and I guess I'm learning the challenge of being able to tell my mind, ‘I know this is going on but I need to put it aside'. I'm learning a lot as far as being mentally disciplined. It's not like I'm putting it off or avoiding it - the family thing that's happening is probably the biggest things that's ever happened in my life - but I need to be able to manage that with the current commitment I have, not just the show, but what I believe in and what I want out of the competition.
I want end on this note: SYTYCD has been an amazing journey so far and the outcomes I'm achieving are totally unexpected. I know that whatever happens after this, the possibilities are endless for what I want to achieve in dance, as a person, and the possibility of family connectedness.
Ideal person to play me in a biopic: Will Smith. The Pursuit of Happyness totally moved me. And he's hot – haha!
J.D.'s Second Entry
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This week I'm totally out of my comfort zone. I'm doing things I never do: axle turns, grand jetés, pirouettes, pointing my toes – which are cool! There's nothing wrong with pointing your toes! For all those jazz dancers in the closet, don't worry; it is actually really fun, so be proud of doing it! (I never was in school). I feel at this stage of the competition, I'm starting to grow. This week I'm out of my comfort zone, and that's what the competition is about. I admit I was terrified learning the chorey this week. I put a lot of pressure on myself, and there was pressure performing for my partner and giving justice to the choreography.
Monday was a huge reality check for us, a big slap in the face. It made us realize this is a competition; it's not just fun and games. We're not going to stay one big family; people will be going home every week for nine weeks. It's made me want to soak up the experience and not take anything for granted: any week I could be voted off. Rhiannon and I have great expectation to be in unison – that was our main correction from the judges - so we've been working hard to make sure we're unified and there's a connection with all these crazy jumps and turns.
I went to the LRG factory and picked out some dope pieces. It was like being a little kid in a toy store, grabbing hats, t-shirts and hoodies.
Working with our choreographer was hilarious – she's a bit of a mad woman, which was great! It helped me not to be so serious all the time. She would throw in some crazy gibberish to make us laugh and it'd relieve that pressure and remind us why we love dance. We're serious, but we have fun with it too.
There's something else that has been playing on my mind this week. I was separated from my adopted Australian father at a young age, no contact, no birthday cards, no phone calls. The thought came into my mind – I wonder if he's watching, and if so, what he's thinking. I thought maybe he might stumble across this blog. I guess what I want to say to him is that whatever happened, the past is the past. I have been able to get complete with everything that has happened and would love to let you know I turned out blessed and fulfilled. I guess this is for those who have a similar background, I want you all to know that stuff happens in life, don't let it stop you from fulfilling dreams, from doing what you're passionate about and love to do. Move forward knowing that you can do anything you want to do. A good friend of mine says “You will achieve the things you pursue…”
Biggest misconceptions about dancers: We're all gay. It is the biggest misconception. We'll all cry at the drop of a hat. We love watching ourselves in the mirror. We don't
dress to impress, to feel comfortable, and to express our creativity. There's a misconception that Hip Hop dancers are all worried about weight. Me, I love my food, but I don't eat crap.
J.D.'s First Entry
At the moment we're preparing our solos, getting to know the crew and settling into our apartments. I'm sharing with Jack – I never see him though, except for in front of the TV watching the show or when we're rehearsing for our group shows. I've been cooking, looking after myself. It's great being able to cook, get our groceries delivered, get massages – it's the life of a rock star – ha ha! In between our media and rehearsal commitments, the Top 20 have been fooling around like dancers do, playing games, playing hangman, eating. I love cooking pastas, Asian dishes and curries. If we're not dancing, we're eating all the time - that's my second hobby.
My partner and I compliment each other physically. She's new-school Jazz Funk, but she can get down with Hip Hop. She's technical, which is great, and we're both versatile. She's young and edgy, and for me, she's a blank canvas, she takes anything on. We work well together. She's light so I can pick her up – I get a workout with her and don't have to go the gym. And she's pretty hot – ha ha! If her parents are reading this, she's a lovely girl and I'm looking after her, don't you worry.
For me Top 100 week was mentally and physically challenging. Mentally, due to the pressure, and the stress of all the waiting around, knowing you have to go on. Lack of sleep was huge factor in performance, but that was what we were being tested on – it's what it'd be like for the Top 20, so suck it up. Eat, drink, sleep, and stretch where you can.
Comparatively, the first week of Top 20 has been a nice transition. It hasn't been smack-bang, in your face, straight into it. It's been more a meet-and-great: meet the staff, get an idea of how everything runs. As a dancer, a choreographer and a judge, it's been very interesting to see how it all works. I've been studying the judges, the producers, the directors, seeing their point of view, understanding the decisions they're making. I'm getting that this show is about dance, but it's also about personalities and about uniqueness. I went into the auditions feeling very confident about what I could offer SYTYCD. For me, I feel technique can only take you so far. As a choreographer, I understand movement, and the kinesthetic of movement, intention, feeling, and letting go. I spent many years getting to know my body and I have a great connection it, using my mind and my body. I bring experience into the competition. For me, it's not a competition against everyone else, it's a competition against myself, and how me and my creativity operate under pressure. Not only will I be learning dances, but corry as well. That's the challenge for me – do what I do, pick up, what I have do, be creative in the process. I'm excited about acquiring new vocab in my body, exploring new styles. I'm looking forward to Ballroom and Lyrical Contemporary styles as my style draws a lot of influence from them. The public sees me as a Hip Hop dancer, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve!
Fave dance movie: Moonwalker. It was the movie that made me a dancer!
